yesterday i had my first doctor’s visit! yay! but of course, my visit was not without adventure.

my appointment was at 8am.  i got there 2 minutes til.  i checked in at the front desk and took a seat.  they called me back to the front desk as they couldn’t find the paperwork that i’d already filled out. ok…no big deal. inconvenient but nothing to get crazy about.  so i fill out more paperwork and take it back.  i sit down and start to stare at the people around me, this one little girl in particular.  bless her heart.  the baby was about 3 or 4.  she had about as much hair as dust on a jar.  and her mama tied this ribbon around her head making her look like she was at mardi gras.  then the baby had on this tight one piece denim jumper…. dukes at that. before i could launch into a full on “why did her mama do that to her?”, they called me back to the desk.  i was asked if i’ve ever been a patient of a city clinic. i said not since i was a kid getting my shots.  they say ok and i go back to my seat.  before i can sit, they call me back.  they send me into another office to speak to someone else.

i go into this office and tell him i was there for prenatal care. he quickly informs me that they no longer offer prenatal. i was like “you have got to be kidding me!” i told him that i have an appointment and that the 7th was when i was told to come in.  he tells me to have a seat.  i sit and try to breathe.  he comes back in, along with the director of the center.  they then tell me that they were no longer taking new patients but since i had an appointment already, i was good.  ok… whew!  uh not yet. they can’t find me in the system. man what?! the director comes in there… followed by the front desk attendant.  they are all talking at once. but it appears that i am in the system under my maiden name… from when i was a kid! so i have to do my paperwork in my maiden name until i can “prove” to them i am married! are you serious?! come on man! go sit back out front.

alright alright. FINALLY! i get to head to the promise land! yay! i take my packet of paper to the medical section.  i had the girl my file and she hands me a cup.  i have to give a sample. the bathroom is about this | | small. i’m not.  so it took me a few minutes to get situated.  but i manage to get it. ok back to the desk.  she wants to weigh me. nuh uh, i don’t play that game.  then blood pressure.  it’s normal.  take some sugar water for diabetes test. go wait again. then into another room for medical history. it’s determined that i am 12 weeks pregnant.  yay!

an hour later, blood work… a lot of blood.  it’s 10 am and i haven’t eat. and did i say i just gave blood? yeah, the kid is not feeling too great.  go sit again.  then into an exam room. strip down and put on a paper gown.  in walks the most impersonal doctor ever.  she walks like herman munster and no smile. she tells me to lay down and then she slaps my breasts around in an exam.  oook. never mind that they hurt… THEY ARE ATTACHED YOU TWIT!  i’m commanded to scoot to the edge of the table.  i scoot and then she pushes my legs open.  i feel like a cheap first date. she jams in the pap smear utensils and does her thing.  she snatches that out and jams her fingers in.  yeah i’m really starting to feel dirty.  she walks away and says “get dressed and sit in the chair.” no hug or anything?  more questions and then back out to the waiting room.

into another room… MORE QUESTIONS! i finally leave there about 11 am and i am about ready to eat small children at this point.   my next appointment is on november 4th. hopefully this one will be less interrogating and i will be able to hear a heartbeat.

aaaahhh… the perils of the city clinics!

until next ride…